Go back to your wives

Small towns aren't exactly known for being forward-thinking, and drunk people aren't known for keeping their cool. Put the two together and you get Palatka, FL on a Saturday night.

Things started out normally, with people playing beer pong and sitting around the fire. The Dormouse and Freddie Fame were the newcomers, but people quickly warmed up to us and Freddie Fame epically lost a game of beer pong to a team of girls. There were Jell-o shots that didn't have the proper mixture and were way strong. So things were going swimmingly.

Until this huge white duelly pulled up, parked where there wasn't a parking space, and a group of middle-aged men pile out like clowns. Right behind them were three cars full of emo drama kids. These were the weird emo kids who think they're awesome but but really just inspire a lot of jokes from everyone else.

This was the beginning of the end.

The middle aged men (because crashing a collge kids' house party at that age is so super cool) were talking shit and being loud and one of them even stuck a finger in the cake icing. So they were politely asked to leave. As they were leaving, some drunk guy made a comment that they need to go home to their wives. This brought on the onslaught of profanity and threats from the middle-aged guys. The emo kids all leave like the wimps they are (because everyone knows they wouldn't be able to handle their own in a fight). So one of the old farts proclaims he's a doctor (we later found out he was only a dentist) and that we better hope he doesn't see us again because he'll piss in our mouths. A classic threat, and I'll find another doctor, thank you. So after unsuccessfully goading us into a fight, they pile back into the bubba truck and drive off.

Okay, seriously, let's think about this. At what point did the lives of these men go so terribly wrong that they have to crash college kids' parties and start shit with everyone? It's the common consensus of Freddie Fame and I that our lives will never be that bad.

Peace and love,
the Dormouse